Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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