Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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