if i can run in heels then i can drive
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize