dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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