i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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