How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
