well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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