Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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