my soul wont recognize me after tonight
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
