i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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