it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
