If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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