the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
