Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
