Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
