so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
