if i can run in heels then i can drive
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
