so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
