Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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