MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
