Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
