It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
