Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize