he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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