Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize