I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
