Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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