The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
