So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
