Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
