everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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