i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
