my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
why is half of my head shaved?
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