I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
