In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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