i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
