Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
