Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
