My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
