why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
