one might say we're banned from that church
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
