Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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