I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
