Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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