I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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