Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
