I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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