I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
