If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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