I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize