i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
