I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize