Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
