He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize