Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
