I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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