is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
