Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
