We're like a lot better than the average bears
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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