I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
