I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
