i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
