Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
