my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
