I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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