I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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